Gwen Hayes' Story

When I was in 5th grade, my parents, trying their best to get us out of a bad neighborhood, moved us across town and me into a new school. I understand their reasons for it now, but at the time, it was very traumatic for me. Being the new girl in the middle of the school year was hard. The school was some kind of "progressive" school and didn't have the same structured classes I was used to. The demographic seemed a little more moneyed than I was used to also--meaning my Tough Skin corduroys were ALL wrong. And so were my shoes. My hair. You get the picture.


 One girl, the IT girl, called me bug eyes. To be fair, my eyes were awfully big for my face. Obviously I already knew that and obviously she knew that I would be sensitive about it. She made fun of me daily, encouraging her friends to do the same. And then I was shunned. Nobody would talk to me except the teachers--and you know what happens to the kid who spends too much time with the teachers.


I don't remember where or who I ate lunch with. I don't remember recess. I don't remember the bus rides to or from school. I blocked it all out and I am more than okay with that. I don't necessarily want to remember.


I was lucky that my parents took me seriously when I told them I was miserable. I had to finish the year, but we moved again and I was able to get a fresh start. I know that not everyone's parents would do the same. I know that there are worse things than to be called a name and shunned. But I also know that it hurts and that it's lonely and that it seems like it will never change or get better.  I just wanted to let people know that it does get better. I want people to know that my husband loves my eyes--that they were the feature that attracted him first. (Well, that's what he says anyway.)


Don't give up on yourself ever. Sometimes in life, you get to be your only friend, so make sure that you are the best one you ever have. And when it hurts the most, remember that someday you will be past it and someone else will need your encouragement to go through their own pain.


And living well is the best revenge. I promise.

Melinda Metz's Story

I was bullied in the sixth grade by two girls, Paula and Yvette (clearly names I've never forgotten). They were always doing things like putting little balls of clay on my seat and saying I pooped. This is nothing compared to the kind of bullying other kids have gone through and are going through. But it was constant. Every day there was something. Ususally multiple somethings. And it hurt. And it wore me down. And it made me feel like there was something deeply wrong with me. My other friends weren't getting bullied. Why was I?

That feeling of something being wrong with me was hard to shake. Even when sixth grade was over. Even when Paula and Yvette were out of my life. All I can say is that being bullied sucks. But it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, that you deserve it somehow.

I was ashamed of being bullied. I didn't want my parents to talk to the principal. I didn't want to talk to my teacher. I just wanted to curl into a ball until it stopped. Please, if you're being bullied, know that you deserve to ask for help and you deserve to get it.

Eleni (La Femme Readers) Story

In high school I was fortunate enough to not experience bullying first hand. But, that doesn't mean I didn't see it going on around me. I remember this guy, Ian, we actually went to the same elementary school and high school together. I'd see kids everyday calling him names and pushing him around. I remember they used to make fun of his braces and wardrobe. I used to always say hi to him, just because I wanted to be the "nice" one. However, looking back I stood in the sidelines when they would bully him. Back then, I should have stood up for him. Yes, I might have received ridicule from the bullies, but so what. He deserved that respect, and unfortunately I was too immature to realize that at the time. Bullies are horrible people, but the individuals standing in the sidelines are just as bad too. So, I urge whoever is reading this, lend a helping hand when you see one of your classmates being bullied. That one time of ignorance, could cost the life of a student put into a bad and unsafe situation.

Laurie Faria Stolarz's Essay

Bullying is a subject that is very important to me, which is why I’m so honored to be a contributor to the upcoming anthology DEAR BULLY, published by HarperCollins, and edited by young adult authors Megan Kelley Hall and Carrie Jones.  DEAR BULLY will be out this fall, and features the personal stories of 70 authors.  

My story tells about an experience I had in middle school, and how I was able to revisit that experience in my adulthood with a new understanding.  My essay is called “Dear Bully,” and I was honored when the editors chose it as the title to the anthology.

I write a lot about bullying because I think it’s something we all experience on some level and at various stages in our lives.  It may not always be the overt bullying, as we often see on TV.  Very often bullying is subtle, especially when it occurs amongst girls and within families. 
My novel BLEED has a great deal of bullying in it – mother-daughter bullying; bullying amongst friends; and bullying where there’s an obvious imbalance of power.  BLEED is a collection of interlocking short stories that take place over the course of a single day.  In one of the stories, 11-year-old Sadie Dubinsky is bulled by her mother who forces her to wear a sign on her chest that says Please Don’t Feed Me.  Joy Ryder is bullied by a boy in school who makes sexually explicit comments to purposely make her uncomfortable.  Kelly bullies Ginger by making her feel inadequate.  Maria bullies Sadie, trying to get her to cut her.  The bullying in this book is palpable, and so is the message:  that we all bleed, that the decisions we make each day – no matter how seemingly small – can and do affect other people.  

Please check out the trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yad28nt0sYI

Jennifer Murgia's Story

It’s 2011. Man has evolved over centuries. Socializing has evolved over decades. Things should be different. Are they?

When it comes to bullying, I’m afraid they are not.

You would think bullying to be a thing of the past, but I’m afraid it’s only gotten worse. People are brazen, feeling they have good cause to take things out on others. Kids are bullied on playgrounds. Teens are cornered in bathrooms. Words are ugly, threats are made and the end result is a person left shaking because they feel they don’t know what to do. It happens to many of us at one time or another, and is very real.

I’m writing this post because I happen to know a sweet, promising, intelligent girl who faces being bullied every day. She’s taunted by a group of peers she believed to be her closest friends. She’s scared. She’s on the brink of trying to understand the motives behind their verbal attacks while praying those attacks don’t become physical. It’s disrupting her life. She faces this alone – but in reality, she is anything but alone. Many, myself included, have been taunted, teased, ridiculed and humiliated at one point in our lives. You never know when a peer will turn on you. You may never know why.

But I do know that you can stop it.

Tell someone; anyone who has the authority to make a difference: a parent, a family member,  teacher or guidance counselor. The more people you make aware of the situation the better. Extra sets of eyes and ears should never be turned away.

In most cases, bullies choose to pick on someone because they feel threatened by them in some way and it makes them feel better to bring that person down. They often go on to be bullies throughout adulthood, thinking they can still push people around. On the other end of the spectrum, the ones who are bullied usually end up making their dreams come true, because they focus their time and energy on what’s important in life.

Ignoring is hard. Sure, trying to close eyes to someone threatening you is no easy task. It might make the bullying worse but soon enough, that bully won’t succeed. They won’t break you. They will see you’re strong and move on once you stand up for yourself. Grab help when it’s offered, and if it isn’t don’t ever be afraid to ask.

I don’t know if this will help my friend, I can only hope. I know firsthand that fighting this is easier said than done but it’s worth it, and she’ll get through. Just like you.

Lisa Cach's Story

I’ll share a bullying story that stretches across 25 years, about a very close friend I’ll call “Angela,” and a bully I’ll call “Tiffany.”
Angela was a sweet, bubbly, funny girl who would never hurt anyone, and yet starting in junior high she became the target of Tiffany.  As Angela says, “Tiffany was the original ‘mean girl.’”  Tiffany was full of sneers, derogatory comments, that ‘I’m looking you over from head to foot and hating what I see’ glare, and was a generally rotten individual who made Angela’s days a misery.
Angela and I told ourselves that Tiffany was insecure, and that’s why she was so mean.  We half believed it, but not really.  It felt like one of those things you tell yourself to feel better, but you aren’t convinced it’s true. 
In high school, Tiffany and her gang of unpleasant people were in several of Angela’s classes.  They sat in the back, and often interrupted the class and made it hard for anyone to learn anything.  Angela was constantly distracted by them.  Angela developed such a hatred for Tiffany & Crew that she vowed she would get good enough grades that next year, she would be moved into higher level classes, where Tiffany could not follow her.
And Angela did it.  The next year, her classes were Tiffany-free.  But of course, Tiffany still roamed the halls like a bad odor, and there was no protection from her there.  I got my own share of sneers and dirty looks from Tiffany, but I wasn’t the direct target that Angela was.
Now fast forward 20 years, to our 20 year high school reunion.  Angela didn’t go (high school was not a happy memory for either of us), but I did.  I had dreamt of someday returning to this reunion and saying, “Ha, ha!  Look at me!  I’m a published author!”  Thing was, it turned out that if you live the life you want, by the time your 20 year reunion comes around, you don’t care what your old high school classmates think of you, one way or the other.  In fact, you can’t remember who 95% of them are.  I had many moments of, ‘Who the heck ARE you, and why are you acting like we’ve ever met before?’ 
And the ones who were mean to you now try to ‘friend’ you on Facebook.  Yeah.  I don’t think so.  I still remember what you said about my butt, in sixth grade.  ‘Ignore!’
I remembered Tiffany, of course.  She was there, and she gave me a tight smile and that look that goes from head to toe.  She seemed to be doing fine:  she had her own small business, and looked attractive.  It didn’t seem like karma had bitten her for her days as a teenage nasty.  From the outside, she looked good.  “Fine and dandy,” I thought.  “Live and let live.  Maybe she’s a grown-up now.”
But it was all an illusion.  A few years after that reunion, I heard that Tiffany killed herself.
It turns out that she had long struggled with depression.  When Tiffany was a kid, her own father had killed himself.  Her home life was difficult:  her mother was unwell, and she had a sibling with a severe disability.  When Angela and I had told ourselves that Tiffany was mean because she was insecure, we had no clue about the pain that she faced every day.  We didn’t know that she was living a life that she didn’t know how to cope with; a life that she never would learn to cope with.  It doesn’t excuse her being so rotten to Angela — many other people have faced similar issues and haven’t dealt with it by being cruel to others -- but it does make clear that it really wasn’t anything about Angela that deserved Tiffany’s attacks. 
As soon as I heard about Tiffany, I called Angela and told her.  She was stunned.  “I thought Tiffany was too mean to ever die,” she said, and then she was quiet for a moment.  “She was really, really messed-up, wasn’t she?” 
Tiffany had left scars on Angela’s psyche, but Angela had survived and prospered anyway.  Tiffany... Hadn’t.  Angela couldn’t quite feel compassion for Tiffany, but her view of the past fundamentally shifted when she found out that Tiffany had not been well.  The flaws really had been in Tiffany, not in Angela; we’d told ourselves that all along, but we had proof, now.  A dark and horrible proof, but proof all the same.
Angela — still bubbly, still funny -- has two little girls of her own now, and she wonders what mean girls they’ll face in school.  When they’re old enough, she’ll tell them about Tiffany.  When someone is a bully, there really is something broken inside them, and in their life.  You may never know what it is, but be assured that it is there.  If you fantasize about revenge, know that a bully’s true punishment is in living her own life, as herself.
And you, meanwhile, can go on to live the life you dream of.  You will love and be loved, will laugh and feel joy, and you will find your place in the world, amongst people who understand and support you.  I promise.

Check this talented author's fantastic book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Wake-Unto-Me-Lisa-Cach/dp/0142414360

Show Love Not Hate

As we all know, bullying affects the lives of many students in middle school and high school. I too was bullied in middle school and right now in high school, I'm being bullied. It's hurts so much that all I do is cry myself to sleep everynight. But I thought to myself one day that in one more year, I'm going to graduate high school and never see the bullies again. I graduated middle school and escaped them.

I know there are others who are being bullied far worse than I am. The bullies in high school were my best friends. One day out of the blue they stopped talking to me. I was lost and scared. I kept on thinking to myself "what did I do to make them hate me so much?" The answer was nothing. They were simply jealous of me. I was making new friendships, but still sat with them during lunch and talked to them. Everything I did was wrong for them.

Everyday at lunch they would look at me sitting at another table and the whispers and talking about would begin. I became so scared that I ran away from lunch and ever since, I haven't gone to the cafeteria to eat. I'm scared. Plian and simple. But I began Show Love Not Hate to raise awareness for bullying. No one has the right to put you down. During the Month of May different authors will be sharing their stories of being bullied. I also will be posting up "Show Love when..." quotes that I'll be making myself. Anyone who wants to add one can so in the comments section.

I want to let every bullied victim out there know that it does get better. It's getting a little better for me right now. The bullies haven't completly stopped, but I guess they are getting bored. But always remeber to show love not hate.